In The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu explain the 8 Pillars of Joy. They first identify four qualities of the mind as perspective, humility, humor and acceptance. Let’s begin by talking about each of these individually.
- Perspective.
Perspective is the lens through which we see our life. When we “reframe” the situation – or look at it from new and different angles, in new, more positive ways – we can change the way we feel about it. The Buddha said, “With our mind we create our world.” The way we see the world is the way we experience the world. We can step back and see the situation from a distance, from a fresh new perspective. We can explore ways to see and feel the challenges from more manageable angles. We can then change our focus from “I, me, mine” to “we, us, ours”. When we suffer and realize that others also suffer, our pain lessens. The recognition of others’ sufferings, that we are not alone, actually lessens our own pain.
For example: We are in a blessed place considering that one third of the world’s population still lacks access to proper toilets and proper sanitation facilities. Or that 9 million people die of hunger every year, out of which approx. 3 million are children, in a time when the world produces more than enough food to feed everyone on earth. In fact, we in the U.S. throw much of it away unconsumed. USDA’s Economic Research Service estimates a 31 percent food loss at the retail and consumer levels; some studies estimate that we waste up to 40% of our food.
2. Humility.
Humility is the recognition that no one is superior or inferior to anyone else. That each of us is just one of over 7 billion people, with the same potential for constructive or destructive emotions and actions. Every human being has the same desire to be happy, and we all have the right to achieve it. We are created to love, help and respect each other. We all are born and we all die. “Don’t get caught up in roles; arrogance is the confusion between our temporary roles and our fundamental identity.”* Arrogance and snobbism come from insecurity. Needing to feel bigger than others comes from our fear of feeling small. “We are all children of God, no one is a divine accident. Don’t confuse humility with timidity. Humility is the recognition of our gifts from God. Humility allows us to celebrate the gifts of others, without denying our own.”* “Be kind to yourself; if you do not have genuine love and kindness toward yourself, how can you extend these to others?”**
3. Humor.
It has been scientifically proven that crying and laughing are produced by the same emotional energy. Both allow for a release of emotion. Laughing just feels better. It is just another choice. And it’s good for the heart and health in general. Science shows that humor breaks anxiety and stress by helping us expect the unexpected. By simply smiling, not only do our face muscles relax but the entire energy of the body changes. Laughing is indeed the best medicine. Laughing at ourselves or laughing at a situation have the power to bring people together. Those of us who take things too seriously tend to suffer more, needlessly.
4. Acceptance.
This is where the change begins. “Why be unhappy about something that can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if that cannot be remedied?”* Acceptance of the What Is is the opposite of resignation and defeat. We turn our heads towards the wind and we accept that at this moment, this is the storm we must pass through. Whether we like it or not. If we approach whatever happens to us in life as something positive, something that in the long term could in fact be beneficial, we do not let a negative story write itself.
Stress and anxiety come from our expectations of how life should be. When we accept the ride as is, the bumpy, the painful, the stress and anxiety-producing, the disappointing becomes smooth, comfortable, more relaxed, surprising, maybe even enjoyable. The causes of suffering come not from the people, places, things and circumstances in our life, but from our response to the people, places, things, and circumstances in our life. When we accept them, the suffering dissipates.
Acceptance is the sword that cuts through all the resistance that creates judgments, criticism, anxiety, despair, denial and addictions. We cannot control what other people say or do, we can only control how we think, react and feel in response to them. Instead of anger, hatred and fear we can cultivate compassion, kindness, warm-heartedness and understanding toward the people around us and the circumstances and events we encounter. We cannot change other people, but we have control over our peace of mind. Acceptance is very powerful. Anybody can hate, become angry, react aggressively, cause harm. Once we grow out of this destructive, knee-jerk pattern of behavior, we choose more noble, powerful and constructive goals. We set our intentions, pursue them with dedication, and release any attachment to expectations of the outcome. From an inner knowing, we begin to trust.
Life is unpredictable, uncontrollable and challenging. When we accept the present and work with the now, the What Is, we can forgive and release the desire for a different past, present and future, and we can let go of the need to insist that things be any other way than the way they are, and use what we have to make magic …
While in prison, I had at my bedside written by hand on a piece of paper the famous Serenity Prayer, as a constant reminder that Acceptance is my pathway to Peace. “God, please give me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”.
This may seem hard for some of us to digest. I am here to help you process these perhaps foreign concepts, and apply them to your own life.
While writing this blog I had a cup of tea next to my computer. My eyes landed on the tab of the tea bag that was dangling from the cup. A quote was printed on the back of the tab. It read “The difference between a flower and a weed is a perspective,” by Anonymous.
Reminders like these help us to stay on track. Maintaining peace of mind regardless of what happens in life is a simple concept, but not easy to implement. It requires practice and determination. But know that if I was able to do it, while in prison no less, anybody can. This is why I dedicated my life to helping people find it easier to make it work in their lives.
In Part III, we will explore the four heart-centered qualities of the 8 Pillars of Joy.
*The Dalai Lama
**Reverend Desmond Tutu
