The road to self-acceptance is one filled with potholes. It can be incredibly difficult to accept the reality of who we are especially when faced with challenging and complex moments in life.  On the pursuit of self-discovery, many often encounter a barrier of fear, shame, and guilt. Accepting these vulnerable feelings can be an intimidating experience, but when we learn to embrace them, we open our hearts up to healing and growth. 

In this article, I\’ll share five steps to help you not only cope but thrive. We\’ll discuss how to acknowledge your current reality and learn how to accept it so that you can find a way to thrive during challenging times.

What is Reality?

It\’s easy to get caught up in what we believe is real and what isn\’t. We often create our own realities based on our beliefs, experiences, and perspectives. 

But what is reality, really?

Reality is what exists. It\’s the actual state of affairs, whether we like it or not, believe it or not. 

Reality is facts, is what happened, without the story that we create around what happened. And while our beliefs, experiences, and perspectives can influence our perception of reality, they don\’t necessarily define it. 

There\’s a lot that we don\’t know and can\’t control. And that can be scary. We are usually resisting what we don’t want and that is what creates our suffering and pain. But acknowledging and accepting reality for what it is can be liberating. It can help us let go of what we can\’t control and focus on what we can. When we do this, we start to see the world more clearly. We feel light and free. We can move forward with our lives more powerfully,  positively, and productively.

I use my experience as a point of reference. The reality that I had to accept was that I was in prison. I could not change my environment anymore to fit the image of my reality that I have been creating for years and refusing to stop and stare square in the face, so I had to change myself. That changing myself is the subject of this article. I had to acknowledge and accept what happened. That meant I had to take responsibility for my actions. Not easy. 

The initial question was: was I willing? Well, at that point in time I kind of had no other choice. When I went in, I didn’t know how long I would be in for. After I lost the trial, I so believed I was going to win, everything was unknown. The only thing I knew for sure is always there for me no matter what happens and had full control over was my mind. That was and still is the place of my freedom and peace. So it was either go crazy or learn to control my mind and how I react to what is.

I ended up with eight months in MCC, a maximum holding facility, and another 25 months in Danbury Federal Camp. Oh, did I mention that it was during the pandemic? Every moment of every day was an unknown. So I had to get used to that. I could not change a thing, so I accepted it. If I would have resisted it, that energy would have been lost. This way, I used the energy to transform myself for my own benefit. 

While it may be difficult initially, acknowledging and accepting reality is an essential step in surviving and thriving during difficult times. By doing so, we can begin to let go of what is not  there and make room for new possibilities, as I did. 

What is not there are our stories of what happened that keep us blocked, stuck, frustrated, and angry. 

Step 1: Identifying and Acknowledging The Problem

Many of us go through life carrying around burdens that we refuse to acknowledge. We suppress our emotions, ignore our mental and physical issues, and push through problems instead of seeking help. We feel heavy, weight down by our struggles, angry and depressed. It’s important to remember that we all have struggles, both big and small. It’s okay to not be okay all the time. Acknowledging our struggles is a sign of strength. We are signaling to our brains that we are willing to face our fears and work through our issues. We know that we cannot see the solution to a problem by looking within the problem. We need to step out of it and look at the big picture.

Once we do that, we begin to accept our reality and start working on healing the self from the inside out.

As hard as it might be, the first step to acknowledging and accepting reality is identifying the problem. Being open, true, and authentic to ourselves in asking questions allows us to see objective answers. The following are some questions that I use for myself:

• What is the source of my stress or dissatisfaction?
• What are the facts? 
• Am I overreacting to a situation?
• Is this problem really as bad as I think it is?
• What are the consequences of not solving this problem?
• What are my options?

Once we have identified the problem, it is important to acknowledge it. That means we accept that the problem exists and that it is real. Staying in denial or refusing to look at it will only worsen the situation and make it more difficult or impossible to find a solution. 

Step 2: Reframing Our Thoughts

It\’s difficult to accept reality when it\’s something we don\’t want. Our first instinct is often to resist or deny what\’s happening. But if we reframe our thoughts, it helps us better deal with the situation. The power shifts back to us. We take control of the situation instead of letting the situation control us.

Here are some ways to get control:

• Look at the situation from a different perspective. How would someone else see it? What are the positive aspects of the situation?

• Focus on what you can control. You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control your reaction to the situation.

• Think about what this situation is teaching you. What lessons can you learn from it?

• Look for the silver lining. What good can come out of this situation?

By reframing our thoughts, we can change our perspective and make it easier to accept reality.

For me, the serenity prayer was a great help. Regardless of religion, these words are the quintessential formula of universal wisdom we must learn to deal with properly. Ultimately, wisdom is our ability to understand what is in our power and control to change. 

May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Step 3: Emotionally Accepting the Reality of the Situation

I want to be very clear on what acceptance means. Many people refuse the concept of acceptance because they are under the mistaken belief that by accepting, they are resigned to the situation or submissive, that they give up. Acceptance is simply the act of not resisting what happened. In short, by accepting that it is what it is, we give the problem less power over us and we can begin to move forward. Making peace with reality also means understanding that we cannot change what has already happened. In psychotherapy, this is called Radical Acceptance. It is only through this process that we can begin to truly understand and embrace who we are. Denying what happened or repressing our feelings only serves to further damage our emotional well-being. To move forward in a healthy way, it is essential that we allow ourselves to feel the full range of our emotions, even if they are painful. Only then can we start to put the pieces back together and create a more complete and balanced sense of self.

Accepting reality is not easy simply because we need to allow ourselves to grieve, which is not what we are willing to do. The reason why we suffer for so long is that we resist grieving, and the energy remains blocked. By crying, journaling about our feelings, or talking to a friend or therapist about our loss, we release the energy and process the change much faster. It is important to give ourselves time and space, compassion, and love to process our emotions and express them in a healthy way. 

Step 4: Develop New Habits and Routines for Remaining Positive

One of the most important things we must do in order to maintain a positive outlook is to develop new habits and routines that support us. We cannot drop a habit but we can easily choose a less painful one. Whatever it is that brings you peace and joy make sure to schedule it into your day so that you can consistently hit the reset button. 

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend going through a tough situation—with warmth, kindness, and understanding. Allow yourself the space to feel all of your emotions without judgment. Lastly, find someone you trust to confide in about what’s going on for you—a therapist, counselor, coach, or close friend or family member. Talking openly about our experiences is an incredibly powerful way to process them and move forward.

Step 5: Move Forward With a Revitalized Mindset

Now that you have taken the time to fully acknowledge and accept reality, it is time to move forward with a revitalized mindset. Here are a few ways to do just that:

1. Take inventory of your life.

What is working well? What could be improved? What do you need to let go of in order to move forward?

2. Set realistic goals.

It is important to set goals that are achievable and within your control. This will help you stay motivated and on track.

3. Focus on the present moment.

The past is gone and the future is not guaranteed. Focus on what is happening right now and make the best of it. Everything is temporary.

4. Be gentle with yourself.

 Give yourself time to adjust to the new reality. Be patient and understanding with yourself as you navigate these waters.

  5. Seek out support when needed.

Don\’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. Whether it\’s talking to a friend, family member, therapist, or other professional, get the support you need to thrive during difficult times

In conclusion, acknowledging and accepting reality is not easy, but It’s something we all need to do if we want to move forward. It takes a lot of courage, but the five steps outlined in this article can help you get there. By keeping an open mind, setting realistic goals, focusing on what\’s within your control, staying positive and taking actionable steps toward solutions; you will be able to survive and thrive in even the most difficult of times. So hold tight as you try these strategies out — with every step you take it will just become easier each time!