Failure is NOT an Option

I always knew I wanted to be an artist. Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of being a fashion designer, playing with fabrics and colors and creating wearable art that brings people joy.

But what do you do when your dreams don’t match the current society’s standards or family values?

You go to law school because becoming a lawyer seemed the safest option. Remember, this was Romania in the early ’90s, fresh out of Soviet control and communism. I am not blaming my parents for choosing that for me; it was the most rational decision in those times of uncertainty while being an artist was not.

When I graduated from law school in Bucharest, I was 22. Then I moved to the US, where I embarked on another journey. Years later, at 35, I finally became an attorney. After all, it was a fun experience that included years of education, studying, taking the bar exam eight times, building a family, and running a couple of businesses along the way.

Yes, that means I failed the bar exam seven times. They are seven stepping stones to learning how not to study for the bar exam. Thomas Edison said he found 2000 ways of not making a light bulb. Then, on the eighth try, things changed drastically, meaning I passed!

After years of hard work, determination, and resilience, I finally reached the end of the road I had started walking 17 years before.

So now what?

In this blog post, I will share my story of determination and resilience and tips on staying motivated to reach your goals no matter how many times you try.

As hilarious as it may sound, I consider the 17 years and the seven unsuccessful tries as gaining experience, as lessons learned on the journey to success. Every wise and successful person explains how it doesn’t matter how many times you fail, but rather that you learn from your missteps and get back up and try again.

I met many people who gave up after 3 or 4 failed attempts. I was raised with the idea that failure is not an option and to do whatever it takes to achieve my goals. I have it in me, but resilience and determination can be learned.

The power of determination and resilience

A few things in life are worth fighting for, and my career is one of them. My heart wasn’t set on becoming an attorney from the beginning, but along the way, it grew on me, and if I started on the journey, I wouldn’t let anything stand in my way or derail my efforts. It became part of my life.

Being determined and resilient helped me pass the bar exam on the eighth try and go through life’s ups and downs with my head up.

Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to setbacks or challenging circumstances; it’s the ability to “bounce back” and come out stronger on the other side. While some people seem to possess this trait naturally, resilience is a skill that can be learned. And it’s a skill that can be extremely useful in life. After all, we all face challenges and setbacks from time to time.

A setback is a setup for a comeback. I often use a quote translated from Romanian: “Un sut in fund e un pas inainte.” It means, “A kick in the butt is a step forward.”

So, what are some of the critical ingredients of resilience?

1. One important element is a positive outlook on life or a positive mindset. Resilient people see the glass as half full rather than half empty, and they view setbacks as temporary and know that things will eventually improve. Resilient people have a “growth mindset”—the belief that they can contribute to the growth and learning in their lives. This view of life helps them embrace challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their well-being.
2. Another essential ingredient is acknowledging the need for help. Resilient people ask for help, allow themselves to be helped, and rely on supportive family and friends during tough times. Success is a joint action, and nobody succeeds solely on their own.
3. Finally, resilient people have developed effective coping strategies. They know how to manage their emotions, problem-solve, and deal with stress in healthy ways. When faced with a challenge, they can use these coping skills to help them overcome it.

We know that success is 80% mindset and 20% strategy…. and a lot of resilience and determination.

Remember, even if you don’t consider yourself a naturally resilient person, you can develop it through practice and experience. Resilient people tend to be flexible and adaptable, able to roll with the punches and keep going when things get tough.

Building resilience is not about invulnerability or pretending that bad thing will never happen. Instead, it’s about developing the inner strength to cope with whatever life throws your way. With resilience, you can find the silver lining in challenging situations and emerge even stronger than before.

No matter how many times I failed, I wouldn’t give up on my goal. I had the mindset and resilience and only needed to work on the 20% ……. piece of cake.

It’s not always easy to stay determined, but it’s worth it. If you want something strong enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen. Never give up on yourself – you never know when success might be around the corner.

Overcoming the NYS bar exam

Determination and resilience are powerful tools that can help you overcome any obstacle in your life. I decided to take the NYS bar exam and would only stop when I passed it, and it took me eight tries, that is four years, but I finally did it!

If you’re considering taking the NYS bar exam, here are some tips that might help you, especially if English is not your first language or if you have a full time job. Remember, 80/20, anything is possible.

1. Growth mindset. You can do whatever you set your mind to do. Believe in yourself, and don’t give up no matter what.
2. Create a study schedule and stick to it. You might also have a job, family, kids, and pets. When you pass the exam, your entire family will benefit. So delegate the household chores, take a paid vacation, or find other arrangements at work and make your study schedule a priority. It’s not forever; it is only for about two months. It is not fun, but it is worth it!
3. Start early and give yourself plenty of time to prepare. Getting into the mental state of studying 14 hours a day is the hardest. Once in, it becomes routine. The earlier you start, the better. Remember, you are not alone in this. Your family and coworkers must get used to your new, temporary (thank goodness) schedule. I started about ten weeks before the exam and studied four days a week for 14 hours daily. I reduced my work schedule to 3 days a week.
4. Get a good prep guide and follow it religiously. Do research on what you need help most with. A sound bar prep guide will make a massive difference in your preparation. I know they are expensive, but it is well worth it. Throughout the years, I took several prep programs until I found the one that worked for me. On top of that, I had a specialized tutor to guide me weekly on my progress.
5. Take practice exams under simulated conditions. This will help you get used to the exam format and build confidence. The bar prep program and the bar associations offer these types of practice exams.

What finally worked

I’m often asked how I finally passed and what I did the eighth time differently.

Well, it was a combination of things. First and foremost was my mindset. I refused to give up and focused on what I could do to improve my chances of passing. I knew it was a matter of time. Secondly, I changed my strategy. None of the bar prep programs I took worked for me. If these programs work for so many people, it must be something I am missing, which will also work for me when I get it. My family and I were in debt over our heads, so another couple of thousands of dollars spent on another bar prep would not make a difference. I took a particular practice exam that gave me the exact breakdown of my strengths and weaknesses. I analyzed them and acknowledged where I had to put my attention.   So, I made some critical changes to my study habits.

I was good at writing the essays but needed help with the multiple-choice questions. Since English is my second language, it took me a while to read and process the queries. This particular bar prep program ultimately helped me understand the structure of the questions and taught me tips to follow in answering them. All of a sudden, the multiple-choice questions were manageable.

Furthermore, the exam prep program referred me to a specialized tutor to improve my writing skills and keep me on track with my progress.

Additionally, instead of memorizing the entire body of the material, which is practically impossible, I focused on specific subjects that I needed more help understanding and that were frequently tested. I consistently studied for 14 hours a day, four days a week, for two and half months. This allowed me to practice, retain more information and feel less overwhelmed.

I am grateful for my family, who was supportive beyond belief and helped with my young daughter and house chores.

So, if you’re facing a challenge in your life, don’t give up! Stop and analyze what is working and what is not. Acknowledge your strengths and your weaknesses. Tweak your strategy or erase it and implement a new one. Reach out for support from those who care about you. You never know what might finally work for you.

Here are a few tips on how to overcome adversity

1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings: It is essential to recognize your fears and get that you are facing a difficult situation.
2. Take action: Taking action can help to give you a sense of control over the situation and help increase motivation to push through.
3. Reach out for help: Reaching out to friends, family, or professionals can provide emotional support and guidance when facing adversity.
4. Focus on the positive: Focusing on what you can do rather than what you cannot do can help shift your mindset.
5. Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge your progress no matter how small it may be—this will give you the confidence to continue working towards overcoming adversity.

On my journey to becoming an attorney, I failed not once or two or three times but seven. I allowed myself a few days to reset before I started again, determined to pass the exam on my next attempt.

If you’re facing adversity in your life, don’t give up. Keep on going and believe in yourself. You can overcome anything if you set your mind to it.

My story shows that no matter how often you fail or face adversity, you can achieve your goals and make your dreams come true with enough belief and perseverance.

OK, I passed the bar exam! Now what?